There's a deep pit in my stomach...

And recently I’ve been wondering why. Then it hit me. It’s october. That time of the year. Memories of you flood my brain. All the years laughing, crying, fighting, singing, and loving. You’re becoming harder and harder to remember with each day that passes. It seems as your memory fades I miss you more. I long to remember the person I am slowly forgetting and it tears me apart. I have such a huge hole in my heart and it feels like it’s just ripping more since you’ve been gone. I don’t feel healing or acceptance, I feel bitterness and regret. Not a soul can comfort me in this pain, it’s just something I deal with on a daily basis. I thought the hurt would subside with time but it’s just increased. Somedays, I have absolutely no motivation to live. I just want to lay down and give up. But somedays, you’re the only reason I get out of bed. I long to tell you what I hadn’t while you were still here. How much I love you, how much I appreciate you, and now, how much I miss you. If only I could hold you in my arms one more and hear you’re beautiful voice. To hear you sing along with the piano that you so effortlessly danced your fingers over. You held such a special place in my heart, I never really showed that to you. So now all that’s left is a casm that nothing else can fill, and God knows I have tried to fill it. I’ve filled the place where your beauty once stood with such filth that was only a temporary fix. And now it aches even more. I feel I have failed you. I feel like nothing I do will ever make up for this. How I long to see you and just talk to you. But it’s too late. There is so much I want to tell you and even more I want to hear you say. To my dismay, I know that won’t be happening. Just know, I love you more than this life. I miss you more than anyone. And I hope we can be reunited soon.

Zeal

John 2:16-17 " To those who sold doves he said, "Get these out of here! How are you turn my Father's house into a market! His Disciples remembered that it is written: "Zeal for your house will consume me."

Zeal for your house will consume me.
That passage really hit me, especially that sentence reminder in verse 17. I was overwhelmed by Jesus' passion in this passage. If we were as focused in on God's will and forming our lives around it, I don't think we'd let little moments, or we see them as little, such as these pass by. We'd feel pain, deep pain when we saw things smudge the name of our awesome powerful God and we'd have no other choice but to act out of zeal. Zealousness for God can be such a cool thing. When we do things out of eagerness we don't tend to back out and we shouldn't, especially when it's standing up for your saviour, it's the least we can do. As long as we're not acting out in anger these moments don't only change others, they change you. I want to let zeal consume me, like it did Jesus. I think zeal is one of the most powerful and effective tools for the Christian when dealing with the secular world, especially if you let it seep through your pores. It will show. I don't know why zeal struck me today, I guess it goes along with being consumed by Christ when He is centered in your life. But I do love the idea. I want nothing more than to be zealous for Him.

Christ Centered Life

I want Christ at my center. And I want it to show. I want to be completely rid of myself. When people look at me, I want them to see Jesus. I've realized lately in my surrendering to God that I haven't been giving myself completely up to him. And what does that look like? Well that's what I've been finding out now..
When Christ is at your center you are a new being, there is nothing in you that resembles your old self. The new has come, the old has gone. Christ at the center is in everything you do. Especially in your actions. Christ loves, He is exceptionally good at it. It's His perfected art, loving the unworthy. So we're called to be 'imitators of Christ,' meaning we need to love others as well! But why? And this is what I find to be most important, I find most Christians willing to love others but they don't get WHY or understand WHAT that love looks like. Loving others is about SHARING God's love, the same love He gave to YOU. It's not about just loving someone for them, it's about SHOWING them God's love. That is so important to understand. And what does that look like? Compassion, forgiveness, complete devotion to loving and caring for them. It's not just being a friend, it's being there in a way that non-Christians can't be for that person. Anyone can love someone but not anyone can love like Christ loves others.
Another really important thing I've been learning is your thought process. You're actions may reflect a Christ Centered Life, but what does your mind set/heart have to say about it? Are you doing things for the wrong reasons? God sees your execution process and cares a lot more about what is going on inside your head and heart then what your actions are saying. And that's absolutely terrible news to me because often times I'm going places and doing deeds for the WRONG reasons. For fulfillment of me and not Glory to God. Your mind is probably the most important thing in being Christ centered, because that's the one thing that is between YOU and GOD. No one else can see it, no one else can hold YOU accountable to it. God sees it all, make sure your thoughts are honorable and pleasing to Him. Make sure HE is your motivation, not YOURSELF.
Finally, I'd have to say ...fire. When there is a real fire, a real pit of despair usually we call out to God. Not all of us call out to God the way Isaiah did in Worship, honestly I'm trying to get there but it's a long journey. So we call out to God, we ask Him to help us in our time of need. But often times we expect God to heal our problems and work a miracle..our prayer maybe shouldn't always be.. FIX THIS, but Lord, please help me ACCEPT THIS. Accept my situation, because it may not improve by your will. I absolutely DESPISE when preachers make Christianity out to be a 'life-fixer,' like if you have faith and believe in Jesus Christ you will be happy and you won't have hard times. FALSE. God is good, but trials do happen. The real journey is in finding JOY in those hard times. Praising God for who He is in those painful ruts. God doesn't promise you a life of bliss, most likely He will have trials set before you, to BETTER you and make you stronger. He KNOWS exactly what you can handle and what you cannot handle. He'd NEVER give you more than you can take. So He uses trials to draw you nearer to Him. He wants you to accept His love, He wants you to be a child of God, He wants you to find joy in Him. He doesn't want to see you suffer, He wants to see you stand in the fire because you know He is right by your side. “If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.” Isaiah 7:9
   Just some food for thought.
Warmly, Karis Oberman.

Flickr/Tumblr

As I have said, I am a photographer. And I have 2 sites I love to put my photos on, them being...Tumblr and Flickr! Here are my profiles:
www.karisobermanphotography.tumblr.com and www.flickr.com/photos/kar_obes

He is faithful..

I was reading in First Chronicles today. God layed on my heart that He knows the motives behind our decision making, He doesn't see just our executions but our reasoning's. Scary thought but it's motivating me to change. These past few months have been intense. I've been changing (mostly for the better) and it's been awesome. I've gained a lot of knowledge of who God is and who I am to Him. I struggle with seeing my importance to Him, all I see is my sin and how much He should despise us. But He doesn't, because He is good, He is big! I shouldn't mope in my disobedience but use those experiences to grow. I know it's not okay to continue sinning intentionally and asking for forgiveness and start all over again. But that's why grace is there, those times when we really dope out. And I've been doing stupid things for a lack of a better phrase and I'm so ready to stop dwelling on the line of Christian and Worldly living waiting for God to pull me back when I've gone too far away. I can't live like that, it's exhausting and I can never advance and grow in Him. I feel terribly guilty about the people I've hurt in my process of changing but it's all for the better and I need to bring God glory. That is ALL that matters and I need to completely focus on that, but I don't expect anyone that doesn't understand His grace to be able to grasp this concept I'm spewing out. He is faithful and gracious. I can't ever measure up to that, the most I can do is dedicate my life to serving Him and His people. Which isn't a lot when you boil it down. So I want to surrender. Going to church for 40 minutes once a week is just not enough for me. I daily spend time in His word, but that's still not enough for me. I need action! And that's what I'm about, and that's how I want people to know me. Karis the Christian, devoted to loving her God and her God's people. Not, Karis the Photographer who happens to be a christian. I'm excited for the future..GOD IS GOING TO DO HUGE THINGS. Through me..and maybe even you!! You just have to let him (:
Warmly, Karis Oberman. Hebrews 6:19, Jeremiah 29:11