There's a deep pit in my stomach...

And recently I’ve been wondering why. Then it hit me. It’s october. That time of the year. Memories of you flood my brain. All the years laughing, crying, fighting, singing, and loving. You’re becoming harder and harder to remember with each day that passes. It seems as your memory fades I miss you more. I long to remember the person I am slowly forgetting and it tears me apart. I have such a huge hole in my heart and it feels like it’s just ripping more since you’ve been gone. I don’t feel healing or acceptance, I feel bitterness and regret. Not a soul can comfort me in this pain, it’s just something I deal with on a daily basis. I thought the hurt would subside with time but it’s just increased. Somedays, I have absolutely no motivation to live. I just want to lay down and give up. But somedays, you’re the only reason I get out of bed. I long to tell you what I hadn’t while you were still here. How much I love you, how much I appreciate you, and now, how much I miss you. If only I could hold you in my arms one more and hear you’re beautiful voice. To hear you sing along with the piano that you so effortlessly danced your fingers over. You held such a special place in my heart, I never really showed that to you. So now all that’s left is a casm that nothing else can fill, and God knows I have tried to fill it. I’ve filled the place where your beauty once stood with such filth that was only a temporary fix. And now it aches even more. I feel I have failed you. I feel like nothing I do will ever make up for this. How I long to see you and just talk to you. But it’s too late. There is so much I want to tell you and even more I want to hear you say. To my dismay, I know that won’t be happening. Just know, I love you more than this life. I miss you more than anyone. And I hope we can be reunited soon.